with my hands full of smoke
with my hands full of smoke
estefaaano_writes
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i'm drowning,
focusing on you in the dying light.
it helps me feel my emotions,
makes me feel human again.
why are we at such a distance?
we found ourselves expelled from paradise,
this love thrashing in the darkness
like a wounded animal
help me heal these gaping wounds.
why are we drifting away
from everything we swore we'd resurrect?
i promised i'd be down forever,
loving you is walking into a bullet train
with eyes wide open
but my pulse doesn't lie.
it don't feel wrong.
it's ancient history,
"you should look for someone better"
tumbling back into the arms of ghosts,
you leave me suspended over the abyss.
phosphorescent waves break behind my skull,
screaming not to dial your number
why do i replay those voicemails
you left last April…
slowly poisoning myself,
wishing i'd never tasted your name.
your face branded into my sight
i try to conjure another
but we're unraveling at the seams.
it's eating me alive,
this guilt is clawing at my ribs.
i need to know the truth
where have you been hiding
and what fever dreams do you have of me?
is there someone new
silently tearing their throat raw
screaming your name into pillows?
see,
i don't know better than to give up on loving.
why are my hands still clutching smoke?
i'm way too honest and you make me crave lies,
sprawled naked on cold sheets
all night long,
counting the hours
until dawn stops bleeding.
I kept reading this over and over because it’s so honest and raw. The emotions jump off the page.
ReplyDeleteThere’s something so hauntingly poetic about ‘counting the hours until dawn stops bleeding.’ It stayed with me long after I finished reading.
ReplyDeleteMasterpiece!
estefaaano_writes, tou have a way with words that makes every feeling so vivid. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
ReplyDeletepowerful and honest
ReplyDeletethis poem feels so real and relatable. It’s like reading someone’s soul laid bare.
ReplyDeleteI mean it's.....heartbreakingly human
ReplyDeletethe distance between two people and the struggle to hold on—MASTERPIECE
ReplyDeleteIdk who else feels this but your words are therapy estefaaano_writes.
ReplyDeleteyes! exactly what I was thinking.
Deletethis poem helped me confront my own complicated feelings. thank you for being so brave and vulnerable in your writing estefaaano_writes! 🫶🏻
The questions you ask in this poem make it feel like a conversation between hearts. It’s tender and painful, but so beautifully crafted. 🔥
ReplyDeleteThis is the kind of poetry that stays with you and makes you think about love in a whole new way.
ReplyDeleteYour use of imagery is stunning—‘wounded animal,’ ‘gaping wounds,’ and ‘hands clutching smoke’ really paint the emotional turmoil perfectly. I felt every line.
ReplyDeleteThis poem made me stop and feel. It’s like a mix of sorrow and longing wrapped in beautiful language that gives a voice to what’s often left unsaid.
ReplyDeleteIt’s messy, it’s real, and you write it so eloquently.
ReplyDeleteI’m obsessed with the rhythm and flow here. It reads like a whispered confession that you just can’t forget, no matter how much you try.
ReplyDeleteReading this felt like walking through a storm of emotions. The imagery, the emotions, the questions... everything pulls you right into the heart of the struggle.
ReplyDeleteThe raw honesty in your writing is what makes this poem unforgettable.
ReplyDeleteIt’s brave to be this open about love’s complexity: the guilt, the memories, the questions. Your poem holds so much truth and emotion.
ReplyDeletethe bittersweet ache of love lost and the fierce desire to hold onto what remains.
ReplyDeletethe way you describe love as something both dangerous and necessary.
ReplyDeleteit’s profoundly moving.
‘Clutching smoke’ is such a perfect metaphor for holding onto something intangible.
ReplyDeletethere’s a lyrical quality to your writing that’s captivating. It reads like a song of heartache that I can’t get out of my head.
ReplyDeletecomplicated feelings that come with love—guilt, hope, pain—all woven together with such grace.
ReplyDeleteI was completely drawn in by the intensity and candor of your words.
ReplyDeleteYour words broke and mended my heart in the same breath. This poem is a masterpiece of raw emotion.
ReplyDeleteOmg, every line felt like a stab to the chest. I’m honestly obsessed with this.
ReplyDeleteShort and sweet—your poem speaks volumes with minimal words. Love how you crafted those images.
ReplyDeleteI’ve read a lot of love poems, but yours made me pause and really feel the ache and confusion of it all. ❤️
ReplyDeleteI’m struggling to find words. Your poem is pain and hope rolled into one. Just wow.
ReplyDeleteThis poem made me cry.
ReplyDeleteI felt every heartbeat and every doubt. This is what real poetry looks like.
ReplyDeleteReading your poem was like diving headfirst into a sea of emotions I didn’t even know I had bottled up. The way you articulate the struggle between holding on to someone and trying to let go resonates so deeply. I especially connected with the line ‘loving you is walking into a bullet train with eyes wide open’ because it perfectly captures the dangerous thrill of loving someone even when you know it could end badly.
ReplyDeletePowerful. You’ve put into words the chaos and confusion of love like no one else can.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, this feels like a personal letter from my own heart. So much truth and pain wrapped in such beautiful words. The line about walking into a bullet train with eyes wide open? Pure genius. Your vulnerability is inspiring.
ReplyDeleteI’m so impressed by how your poem balances pain and beauty with such finesse. The contradictory nature of love—how it can hurt yet feel so essential—is something you capture brilliantly. Lines like ‘your face branded into my sight, I try to conjure another but we’re unraveling at the seams’ stay with me because they acknowledge the impossibility of replacing certain loves. Your poem doesn’t just express heartbreak; it holds space for it, letting us see that it’s okay to feel all these tangled emotions at once.
ReplyDeleteI love not just what you say, but how you say it—every line crafted with such care and depth.
ReplyDeleteA stunning, brutal look at love’s hypocrisy
ReplyDeleteYour poem reveals how love can be both a source of life and slow destruction.
ReplyDeleteYour verse feels like a journey through heartbreak and resilience, raw and unvarnished. This is the kind of poetry that stays with you long after reading.
ReplyDeleteThis invites readers to confront their own emotional battles, and that is incredibly brave and impactful.
ReplyDelete♥️
ReplyDeleteI’m blown away by how much emotion you packed into this. Every line feels like a confession. It took me on a journey I didn’t want to end.
ReplyDeleteYour words made me rethink the way I hold onto memories that don’t serve me anymore.
ReplyDeleteI love how you don’t give easy answers or neat endings. The poem feels like a raw snapshot of a heart stuck between surrender and hope, and that truth is what makes it so powerful.
ReplyDeleteSo many lines stayed with me, especially the idea of ‘flare guns detonate behind my skull.’ It’s such a visceral way to describe emotional turmoil—I can’t stop picturing it.
ReplyDeleteI was struck by how the poem created this vivid internal chaos without ever feeling chaotic in form.
ReplyDeleteThere’s a raw and honest awkwardness here that feels so human. It’s like reading someone’s private journal and being granted permission to feel your own uncertainties alongside theirs.
ReplyDeleteYour poem doesn’t just tell a story, it invites us to live with the questions and the ache. That willingness to stay with discomfort is rare and deeply moving.
ReplyDeleteReading your words was exhausting—in a good way.
ReplyDeleteThere’s a palpable sense of wanting and losing that runs through the poem like an electric current. It’s the kind of raw emotion that stays with you long after the last line.
ReplyDeleteI admire how you let the poem breathe in its uncertainty. It doesn’t try to fix or explain everything, but instead holds space for those difficult doubts and fears that come with love.
ReplyDeleteIt’s painful, confusing, and utterly human.
ReplyDeleteI’m honestly blown away by how you used simple yet powerful metaphors. ‘Hands full of smoke’ is such a striking way to describe grasping for love that slips through your fingers. I couldn’t stop reading.
ReplyDeleteEvery line feels like a whispered confession, raw and fragile. It made me think about the things we don’t say aloud but carry inside for years.
ReplyDeleteReading this was like sitting beside someone inside their silent struggle. The vulnerability is palpable, and it’s rare to find poetry that captures heartbreak without romanticizing it.
ReplyDeletethe way you phrased the uncertainty and longing is so relatable. It reminded me of all the nights spent replaying memories and questions that don’t have answers.
ReplyDeleteI could practically hear the weight of silence between two people in your lines. It’s that unspoken tension that speaks louder than words ever could.
ReplyDeleteIt’s refreshing to see a poem that doesn’t try to fix the pain but instead holds space for it. I love this.
ReplyDeleteThe imagery of ‘flare guns detonate behind my skull’ gave me chills. It’s such a vivid way to describe the mental chaos of missing someone you can’t reach anymore.
ReplyDeleteIt’s beautiful and heartbreaking in equal measure.
ReplyDeleteYour poem gave me chills. The desperation and vulnerability are so palpable; it’s rare to find that kind of raw truth in writing.
ReplyDeleteThe way you balance pain and hope is so nuanced and real. It’s like a conversation with the heart itself.
ReplyDelete❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteI don’t usually read poetry because it can feel distant, but your work feels raw and immediate—like a heartbeat I can almost hear.
ReplyDeleteThe unanswered questions in the poem gave it this haunting, restless energy. It feels like a voice begging for closure.
ReplyDelete😞
ReplyDelete