BLACK BOOK

 

black book

by: estefaaano_writes 

-

You were my friend, my confidante

The one I turned to, time after time

Thick as thieves - or so I thought

Blind to the envy that simmered inside your mind

How long did you smile to my face, laugh at my jokes?

While secretly keeping score, thinking I had more

More luck, more breaks, an easier path 

The bitterness taking root, envy's cruel claw

Were you there for me at all, or just studying my rise?

Looking for cracks, hoping I'd stumble, eager for my falls

Waiting to step over me, to edge me out, take my place

Your supportive words just a fog to hide your real face

Years side by side, or so I imagined 

The late night calls, the dreams we shared

The promises to be true to the end

Shattered without warning by your cold disregard  

My stunned reflection in your eyes that day  

When the world shifted, veil lifting away

As the friend I cherished without hesitation

Became a jealous rival, there to steal my conception.

No more pretending, no more lies

Just a hunger for what was mine

You took my trust, my faith like toys

And smashed them for your advancement, without pause

Or regret for the history you destroyed  

Sharp realization that I never knew you at all

Beneath the surface, the bitterness grew tall

A smoking envy that now consumes

Any memory of real friendship in its fumes

I gave you my hand, you saw it as a rung  

Stepping over me fast and hard, no sideways glance

Ready to reap what I had sown, eager to advance

Did you ever see me, or just the power you craved to grab?

That deadened click as our past locked shut, 

Keys lost, bridges burning to dust

All those years, my stories, my foolish trust

Just tools for you to rise over my cuts  

This black book of mine, a weight now chained 

Heavy with memories, jewels turned stained 

Its leather binding just tattered gall  

Of a history now ash, beyond retrieve

Beyond repair or reborn belief

In 'friendship', that joke the cruel make 

To blind dreamers, and faith is their stake 

Go on, take your envious querulous mass 

This book recalls all I built and surpassed  

That you undermined, in the dark half bowed

While pretending to stand proud by my side

As 'friend', to fame's summit allied  

Leave me here now to wrestle the grief 

Of a bond rhetorical as worn relief  

This black book's stone I score till day was night 

Its dark mirror my only asylum, 

Its scarred venom, my refuge sight.